Songs: Mili

Mili was the first movie I watched beginning to end. Daddy brought home a dvd, and we all sat down to watch it; the first time ma, dad, jiji and me watched a movie together. Uhm, not exactly. Dad stopped after the first half where all the comedy was, and I watched the rest another day when no one was home.

The songs have even greater memories: I remember, when I was six or seven, waking up to 'maine kaha phoolon se' playing on the radio. 'Tis a remarkably cheerful song, and happy, happy lyrics, and I'd distort them to 'maine kaha tune tu,' and insist it was so when ma tried to correct me. I laugh, now; I have no clue what kind of thought processes lead to that

Maine kahan phoolon se 

haso to woh khil khila kar has diye 

Aur ye kahan jivan hai bhai mere bhai

hasne ke liye hasne ke liye.

I did not hear the actual song for a long time in between, and Lata's voice gave way to my mother's soft, unadorned one, for she'd hum it occasionally while she went about her cooking. Indeed, I was disappointed in the song when I found it on the internet --I am still decided that Ma's is way better.

The other two songs, aaye tum yaad mujhe and badi sooni sooni hai offer a remarkable contrast. The former has memories with dad; tis one of those songs we'd listened together. Tis a beautiful song, infused with pain and longing, but daddy and I, we were both too wrapped up in each other to give much weight to that. We were too busy counting stars:

Jab Mai Raaton Mein Taare Ginta Hoon
Aur Tere Kadmon Ki Aahat Sunta Hoon
Lage Mujhe Har Tara, Tera Darpan

Badi sooni sooni hai... it is -will you let me use 'beautiful' again? Cuz it is. A perfect expression of the emptiness I sometimes feel. Of when I can not find sleep at night, of when I can not find happiness:

Kabhee main n soyaa, kahee muz se khoyaa sukh meraa aise

Pataa naam likhakar, kahee yoohee rakhakar bhoole koee jaise

Happi Anni, Ma! Dad!

10th July

24 years ago, Ma and Dad were thrown together on a bumpy path. Daddy was outgoing and opinionated. And Ma, dearest Ma, was quiet and reserved, and stubborn in her own way.

I won't go into clichés of how far they have come since that day, or of how perfect they are together. And I won't go into those clichés of wishing them a long, joyous life together. Neither feels appropriate.

No, I just quietly wish them all the happiness they can make for themselves. And I make a quiet promise to myself, that I shall do my bit towards that end. Ma, daddy, I love you so very much.

'Tis the little things...

This morning, ma crept out of the house for work, and I darted out the door to catch her: "bye, ma!" She turned to look at me, smiling, and I blew her the one-finger kiss that is hers and mine. Well, it was mine, before. For daddy, for jiji, for those I love. But as she looked at me, one hand arrested at the handle of the main gate, I realized that it was ma who knows the trust and adoration that comes with it, ma who understands that it's special. At that moment, it became ours.

She had to leave, of course, and as I stood at the gate, carefully making sure that her smile stayed put, I felt a child-like glee at lifting my ma's spirits.

That lil' goodbye had me smiling the entire morning. A feat unaccomplished by any momentous news, be it acceptance into CS at BITS Pilani, Hyderabad, or any nine point whatever CGPA.

One of those days...

All I want to do is curl up in ma's embrace. And sleep.